Bereaved by Suicide

Bereavement by suicide can bring many different emotions.

You might feel:

• shock
• disbelief
• sadness
• anger
• guilt
• confusion
• numbness
• anxiety
• abandonment
• loneliness
• relief
• shame

You might find yourself repeatedly asking “Why?”

You might feel several completely different emotions at the same time. Or you might feel very little at first.

There is no timetable for grief and no list of emotions you’re supposed to experience.

It’s common for people bereaved by suicide to replay conversations, events and decisions.

You might think:

• “Why didn’t I notice?”
• “What if I’d called?”
• “I should have known.”
• “Could I have stopped it?”

Suicide is complex and is rarely the result of one single event or action. Looking backwards with information you have now can make past moments seem much clearer than they actually were at the time.

Talking through these thoughts with someone who understands suicide bereavement can help.

After a sudden death, taking in information and making decisions can be difficult.

Where possible, allow people you trust to help with practical things.

• Focus on basic needs.
• Eat when you can.
• Rest when you can.
• Stay connected with people you trust.

You don’t have to answer everybody’s questions. And you don’t have to make sense of everything immediately.

People sometimes don’t know what to say after a suicide.

• Some may avoid mentioning the person because they’re worried about upsetting you.
• Others may ask questions you don’t want to answer.

You decide what you’re comfortable sharing.

It’s OK to say:

• “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

It’s also OK to talk about the person who died. Their life was much more than the way they died.

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other significant dates can be difficult. Sometimes the hardest reminders are unexpected.

• A place
• A song.
• Someone asking an innocent question.

You may find it useful to think beforehand about how you’d like to spend significant dates and who you’d like around you. There is no right way to mark them.

Children and young people can experience grief differently from adults.

• Where possible, give them truthful, age-appropriate information without unnecessary detail.
• Let them know it’s OK to ask questions and that they can come back with more questions later.

Their understanding of the death may change as they grow.

Try not to expect yourself to function exactly as you did before the loss.

• Accept practical help when it’s offered.
• Stay connected with people who allow you to speak openly.
• Give yourself permission to seek professional support.

You don’t need to wait until you’re unable to cope.